The eyebot played yet another rerun of “The Adventures of Herbert Daring Dashwood.” How it managed to pick up that sludge so far from D.C. had always been a mystery to Jared. He suspected none of it was live, that the eyebot had just recorded a few hours of radio and kept looping it. At…
The eyebot played yet another rerun of “The Adventures of Herbert Daring Dashwood.” How it managed to pick up that sludge so far from D.C. had always been a mystery to Jared. He suspected none of it was live, that the eyebot had just recorded a few hours of radio and kept looping it. At least it wasn’t any bullshit propaganda, he thought. Jared had been on the road for a good week now, headed for Shady Sands, smack dab in the middle of the New California Republic, to his surprise, the journey so far had been incredibly uneventful. It didn’t bother him, he liked it boring. Jared and his trusty eyebot was currently somewhere in northern Nevada, he’d decided to stay far away from Vegas on account of the rather messy hubbub that’d gone down there lately, what with those crazy people who thought they were Romans being all over the place. In his distant-mindedness he almost stepped on a migrating radroach, who had also decided to stay far away from Vegas on account of the rather messy hubbub that’d gone down there lately.
The skies were getting dark and cloudy, whirling around like a fancy milkshake. A sandstorm probably. Well, it was about time to make camp anyways, so he unpacked his rather cozy tent and did just that.
The storm raged throughout the night like an angry five-year-old, the wind howling and tearing at his tent, but eventually the five-year-old fell asleep on the couch. As the dust settled, a group of characters moved quietly towards the tent. They were five strong, armed and all mildly inquisitive as to why someone had wandered into their territory. What Jared didn’t know was that he had made camp more or less on top of one of the few remaining Brotherhood of Steel bunkers in the area, one of but a handful the NCR hadn’t found and eradicated. The inhabitants of said bunker were now converging on Jareds tent. “Got visual, it’s a tent,” a muffled voice as if spoken into a tin can said, “Stay quiet, Lennox, take point.” An armored individual, presumably named Lennox, took point. He aimed his laser rifle at the tent as if it was about to leap at him and insult his mother.
The patrol inched forwards, when suddenly a blaring noise sounded over the immediate speck of wasteland, “YOU ARE LISTENING TO THE ADVENTURES OF ME, HERBERT DARING DASHWOOD, AND MY STALWART GHOUL MANSERVANT, ARGYLE!” Lennox fired his rifle and missed, a cactus about a mile away was now on fire, and a tribe of savage raiders had decided it was a sign from God. There was a great feast later that night. “Fuck me, can you be more loud!?” Jared rolled out of his tent, straightened up and rubbed the dust out of his eyes, “I swear, once we get to any kind of settlement, I’m trading you in for a Nuka Cola.” There was a slight shuffling around him, “Quiet! State your business!” a very assertive and muffled voice declared. Jared looked confused for a second, then finally opened his mouth, “So… Do I write you a note or…?” The Brotherhood looked at eachother, “Uh, what?” The one who presumably was their leader asked, “Well, if I’m to state my business while remaining quiet, I need a pen and paper. I don’t know any sign language and I’m not telepathic.” The one called Lennox pushed the barrel of his rifle into Jared’s mouth, “Listen here, funny guy, if you don’t stop with the jokes and tell us why you’re here I’m going to melt that hilarious tongue of yours into a fine paste.” In response, Jared carefully removed the rifle from his mouth, put his hands in the air and said “Look, I’m just travelling, okay? I’m headed to Shady Sands, and I wanted to avoid Vegas, so if you could just let me pack my things, I’ll be on my way.” Lennox backed off, “That sounds fairly reasonable to me, chief, “ he said. The leader of the bunch lowered his rifle and looked around, “Right, so this is what we’ll do. I’ll get HQ on the horn and we’ll get this sorted. In the meantime, detain him.” Jared was rather disturbed by the notion of being detained by these techno freaks, who knew what went on in those bunkers of theirs, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Surely you must be hungry? Let me make you some breakfast while we wait, hm?” None of them seemed to have a problem with that idea, and Jared went back inside his tent to find his bag. It contained food, a camping stove, a hunting rifle and a loaded revolver. Safety wasn’t Jareds strong point. Back outside, the Brotherhood patrol had relaxed a bit, one had even taken off his helmet, he seemed to quite enjoy the desert wind blowing through his hair.
At that point their leader wandered back to the main group, “Right, so, HQ wants us to take him back inside for questioning.” This Jared did not like the sound of, he had to think fast, and he did. He quickly pulled the revolver from his bag and fired. The low-caliber bullet bounced off the thick armor of one of the patrolmen, the others looked at each other, not quite sure what just happened. Before the Brotherhood fellas figured out what the hell was going on, Jared had already started running, and the eyebot was just catching up. “Damnit, what are you doing! Stop him! Lennox!” The esteemed leader shouted and pointed and Lennox aimed his rifle, pulled the trigger and hit another cactus, this one didn’t result in a grand feast.
After an hour of boldly fleeing from the Brotherhood, Jared finally dared to take a rest. He’d lost his tent, but other than that, had still managed to hold on to his other possessions, “You know, I really wish you were more useful,” he said to the eyebot in a tone that could freeze a polar bear. “All you do is repeat that god-awful radio drama,” the eyebot floated carelessly in the air and made a single beep. After a few minutes of catching his breath, Jared decided to continue, hoping to whatever gods there may be that the eyebot would remain silent, when suddenly, “YOU ARE LISTENING TO THE ADVENTURES OF ME! HERBERT DARING DASHWO-” And so the eyebot was promptly smashed by a rock, and Jared continue towards Shady Sands in peace.